stay out of court Archives | Collaborative Law Institute

Wouldn’t it be great if families could complete their divorce in a conference room rather than a courtroom? That’s the thinking behind the Collaborative Process and what makes the Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota so helpful to divorce professionals and divorcing families. Because of TV shows and just our general culture of “fighting” for our rights, we often think that we have to spend endless amounts of money and fight in court to get a divorce, but that simply isn’t true. In the Collaborative Process, we help families reach agreements without ever setting foot in a courtroom. The Collaborative Law Institute of Minnesota (CLI) trains professionals in areas of law, finances, relationships and mental health to work with families outside of court to reach durable and understandable divorce agreements that work for their families. Law school is focused on training attorneys for inside the courtroom. That’s why we need CLI to train attorneys and other divorce professionals to help clients outside the courtroom. This is a major paradigm shift for the legal profession, but it shouldn’t be so surprising that this is the help and advice that families need and want. Because, let’s be honest, who really wants to go to court?

“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”-Nelson Mandela If you are going through a divorce, it might feel like your spouse is the enemy and you really are at war. However, we can all learn much from Nelson Mandela, who passed away yesterday at the age of 95. Mr. Mandela was a lawyer, activist and peacemaker; and although he was a global figure, we can apply his lessons to divorce and conflict at home. If one spouse files for a traditional divorce through the court, the couple (and their children) embark on a journey, some clients describe, to complete hell. If they are able to return to this world, so to speak, the family unit is forever transformed, and not for the better. Spouses, who once loved one another, often do become enemies. The court process, particularly if custody over the children is an issue, often vilifies one parent and an all-out war breaks out. So, what’s the answer? Simple. Work with your spouse. Even if you DO see your spouse as the enemy, try to stay out of court. Judges don’t want to see you. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they don’t want to decide where YOUR children should live. They don’t want to decide how to divide YOUR property. Stop and think about that. Do you want a stranger to make life altering decisions for you? You and your spouse should (and can) make those decisions. But you need a divorce process that will allow you to make the best choices, and you need attorneys and other professionals who can guide you to a better outcome. You will have to compromise. But if you work with your spouse, you can become partners in restructuring your family and arrive at a peaceful resolution. You will both “win” and make peace in the end. Wouldn’t Mr. Mandela be happy to know that? Wouldn’t he be glad to hear that the Collaborative Process focuses on solutions everyone can live with? I would think so.