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82087964-start-on-january-1-gettyimagesAs 2016 begins, many of us come up with resolutions for the coming year. Some people hope to exercise more, spend more time as a family or plan a vacation. For families who have divorced, the new year often symbolizes a new beginning.  It is a time to establish a new norm. As a collaborative attorney, I often help guide families through divorce in respectful and supportive ways. I often hear from clients that they have goals and resolutions for a new year. Here are three common resolutions for families of divorce and ways all families can incorporate these values in their lives:
  1. Establish financial independence and security. Entering a new year is a time when finances are now truly separate – with no tax connections.  Be mindful of what you spend.  Track your expenses and see how they match up against your projected budgets and income.  Get a financial planner or, on your own, map out your financial goals for the year, including personal savings, retirement, and investment management.
  2. Embrace co-parenting. Children thrive with routine and care.  They love to be listened to and enjoy one-on-one time with both parents.  They also sense stress and tension.  As you establish routines and the children spend time with both parents, remember to treat the other parent with compassion as well. Avoid fighting in front of the children and support the time that they spend in both homes. Also learn to enjoy your off-duty time.  When you don’t have parenting duties can be a great time to focus on yourself and prepare for your next parenting day.
  3. Take care of yourself.  As parents, workers, and functioning members in society, we often spend our tie focused on others.  We take care of the children and our work obligations, but we often forget our own self-care.  Use the new year to establish work-out routines or start exploring a new hobby.  It is never too late to start improving yourself and the new year is a perfect time to make that effort.
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140196043-studio-portrait-of-young-man-contemplating-gettyimagesFor many, a significant portion of their post-divorce assets consist of a part of their former spouse’s company-sponsored retirement account. In order to split a company retirement account, the plan administrator of the pension, 401(k), 403(b) or other company retirement account requires a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) or Domestic Relations Order (DRO). A QDRO or DRO is typically drafted by an attorney and signed by a judge. It directs the retirement plan administrator to divide the retirement account between you and your former spouse, in the manner specified by your divorce decree. Once the QDRO has been approved by the plan administrator, they will transfer your portion of the retirement account into a new account in your name, within the same plan. You will also receive information on how to cash out the account and have a check sent to you (a taxable event) or rollover the account into an Individual Retirement Plan (IRA) or another retirement plan in your name (a non-taxable event). A QDRO differs from a DRO in that it contains specific wording that is required under Internal Revenue Code and the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA) to divide a retirement account such as a 401(k) and 403(b). It is advisable to contact the plan administrator to obtain their QDRO model language before your attorney drafts the QDRO. Most company retirement plans have a template containing the language required to be included in a QDRO. DROs are more generic and do not contain the specific wording of a QDRO. Certain retirement plans (referred to as non-qualified plans), that do not fall under the ERISA jurisdiction, can be divided with a DRO. Note that a non-company IRA (e.g. Traditional IRA, Roth IRA, SEP IRA) does not require a DRO or a QDRO to be divided, but will require a letter of instruction detailing how the account is to be divided, along with a certified copy of the divorce decree. Typically, if you draw money out of a retirement account covered by ERISA early (prior to age 55 for a 401(k) or 59.5 for a 403(b)), you will be required to pay taxes AND a 10% penalty. However, in a divorce situation, if you were awarded money via a QDRO, you have the opportunity to take money out of a company retirement plan covered by ERISA, without the 10% penalty. Note that this withdrawal is considered taxable income and thus is subject to a mandatory 20% withholding for federal taxes and possibly state taxes too. It is very important to follow the process carefully when doing this; I highly suggest working closely with your financial planner or tax advisor. Lastly, keep in mind that dividing a company retirement account takes time. The QDRO model language needs to be obtained from the retirement plan administrator, forwarded to an attorney to draft the QDRO, which is then submitted to the retirement plan administrator for approval and division.
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138710659-financial-advisor-talking-to-customer-gettyimages5 quick Divorce financial tips: These five are only a starting point.
  1. Plan your cash flow and spending carefully.  Do not over exaggerate.  You and your spouse only have so much income between the two of you.  Unless you can increase income you both will need to decrease some areas of spending simply because you are going from one household to two on the same income.  Something has to give.
  2. Have a  financial specialist experienced in divorce matters suggest ways for you and your spouse to save on taxes by utilizing head of household filing status when possible and the best use of dependency exemptions when children are involved.  A financial specialist can also recommend tax saving strategies for spousal maintenance and/or child support.
  3. If existing debt is a problem consider using an accredited consumer credit counseling agency to help you set up a debt management plan.  This does not affect your credit rating since you will still be repaying all of the debt.  The agency will work to negotiate a lower interest rate with each of your creditors.  You will make one payment to the consumer credit counseling agency.  The monthly payment you make to the agency is often much less than the combination of the payments you were making before.  The agency makes payments to each of the creditors for you.  There is the potential to save a bundle in lower interest rates and in some cases no interest giving you the ability to pay off your debt earlier than you ever thought.  Two such agencies in the Minneapolis Saint Paul area are Family Means and Lutheran Social Services  and no you do not have to be Lutheran to utilize their services.  In worst-case scenarios, bankruptcy may be a consideration.  Both of these agencies provide bankruptcy counseling and are able to refer you to bankruptcy specialists if and as needed.
  4. If existing debt is a problem do not make it worse by adding to that debt.  Find other ways such as sacrificing today for a better tomorrow, increasing income, lowering expenses or some combination of all these.
  5. With retirement assets, it is common for a financial specialist trained in divorce matters to help one spouse or in some cases both spouses recommend strategies to come up with down payments for new housing purchases.  This usually involves the use of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).  A portion of an employer retirement plan is awarded to the lower income spouse, income taxes on the distribution are planned for, and if the distribution is incident to a divorce the spouse awarded a portion of the employer retirement plan will avoid the pre 59 ½ early distribution penalty.
Utilize an experienced divorce financial planning specialist.  They are your best resource for helping you keep more of your money in your family.
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In part I of keep more of your money in your family; choosing your process wisely I wrote about the well known traditional litigated court based divorce process and mediation. In this issue, I will cover Collaborative Divorce. Collaborative divorce is an option you and your spouse should thoroughly explore before making any choice about divorce process. It is my belief that you and your spouse should first decide upon process before you ever hire an attorney. You can then match the right attorney to the right process. Just because they are, a divorce attorney does not mean they can be effective and efficient in all processes. In a collaborative divorce , a collaboratively trained attorney through the entire process represents each spouse. A financial specialist helps couples sort out their financial issues including gathering all the financial data necessary for the divorce decree and presenting it to their respective attorneys in a format that helps attorneys review the numbers more efficiently. Contrast this with you and your spouse providing each of your attorneys the financial data, the two attorneys talking together about the financial data and then going back to you their client to discuss those conversations then going back again to the other attorney to discuss. Let me ask you on just this one basic step in the financial process, do you think you would keep more of your money in your family? Do you want to be paying two attorneys to do this financial data gathering or would you prefer to pay one financial specialist? A financial specialist is the one person who is in the best position to help you keep more of your financial resources in your family throughout the divorce process. They can save you taxes, come up with some creative options, and other ideas that allow both you and your spouse to create the best financial outcome for each of you given your existing resources. In any divorce with minor children, a parenting plan is created and documented. In the collaborative divorce process, this is usually completed with a child specialist. This person helps parents articulate and document a well thought out plan to co-parent their children. The child specialist meets with the parents and often times meets with the children separately and then with everyone together. This level of attention to the family well-being is not found in other processes. You can of course work with two attorneys or a mediator to come up with a parenting time schedule and perhaps another piece or two of a well thought out plan. What you are not likely to get is a complete parenting plan that increases the likelihood of your children successfully navigating your divorce with you and your spouse. Also available in the collaborative divorce process is a neutral divorce coach. The divorce coach helps spouses communicate effectively during the divorce process and come up with a plan for post divorce communication and relationship. This can lower conflict, which can decrease costs. If emotions run high at some point during the divorce process, a coach acts to ground you in the areas that are important to you. This enables both you and your spouse, to effectively communicate your needs, interests, and concerns all necessary to produce the higher-level outcome intended to last for a long time. It is interesting to me that I often hear people say they are concerned about divorce costs when learning about collaborative divorce. Yet the collaborative divorce process minimizes attorney involvement since much of the work with the neutral financial specialist, neutral child specialist, and neutral divorce coach is completed without attorneys present. Attorneys usually are the highest paid professionals in any divorce process and most are not trained in financial issues, child and family systems, or other family relationship dynamics. What attorneys are trained in is the law. So imagine yourself utilizing a divorce process providing you with a menu of professional resources to help you and your family work with specialists in their respective fields and yet always have access to your own attorney who will be your advocate.   Of the three processes discussed in this two issue article which do you think will allow you to keep more of your money in your family, traditional litigation, mediation, or collaborative divorce? Remember to help you keep more of your money in your family choose your process wisely. In Part II of Keep More of Your Money in Your Family, I will write about choosing your attorney wisely.
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157494477-redheaded-girl-in-cloud-of-leaves-gettyimagesLooking for some Twin Cities fun on a budget? Going from a duel income to a single income is not only difficult, but can bring on many emotions, especially if it leaves you feeling inadequate with providing for your children. There are so many low and no cost options out there that you don’t have to feel your children are missing out if you are on a single parent budget. Here are some of our favorites:
  • Como Zoo (free)
  • Minneapolis Sculpture Garden (free)
  • Walker Art Center (free admission Thursdays from 5-9pm)
  • Minnesota History Center (free admission Tuesdays from 5-8pm)
  • Fishing at many local community piers and parks (free)
  • Minnehaha Falls (free)
  • Three Rivers Parks District: Elm Creek Park Reserve, Lowery nature Center, Minnetonka Regional Park, etc. (free admission and many free activities and play equipment). Tip: make a list for a scavenger hunt before you go, kids LOVE scavenger hunts!
  • Minnesota Children’s Museum (free admission the 3rd Sunday of each month)
  • Outdoor concerts in the summer: Minneapolis Music in the Parks and St. Paul Music in the Parks, as well as many suburban concert series (free)
  • Movies in the Park in Summer: many area options (free)
  • Minnesota Landscape Arboretum (free admission every third Thursday of the month after 4:30 pm April through October)
  • Farmer’s Markets: many area options, check your city and surrounding areas for dates and times. Tip: If you go close to the end of the day many vendors may have reduced their prices or are willing to negotiate on fresh produce. (free admission)
  • Bike or walk the area trails. We are very blessed with many quality area trails like the Luce Line, Dakota Rail Regional Trail, etc. Tip: Another great place for a scavenger hunt!
  • Local beaches in the summer – We are in the land of 10,000 lakes, there are so many options for free swimming and sand castle fun!
  • Local art fairs, craft fairs, car shows, etc. Admission is typically free and it is so fun to walk around and look at everything.
Also be sure to check out local discount websites such a www.SaveOn.com, www.Groupon.com, and www.LivingSocial.com, where you can find deep discounts on local amusement parks, museums, the arboretum, restaurants, and more!
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561097939-man-inserting-coin-into-piggy-bank-gettyimagesGetting married sometimes can be expensive if you let it. Getting unmarried can be even more expensive if you and or your spouse allows it to get that way. In divorce, emotions are high and often contribute to higher levels of conflict. Conflict is expensive. Many divorcing couples want to know how they can keep more of their financial resources between themselves and in their family. After all the more that goes to pay for divorce costs means less for each spouse and for their children if they have children. In this upcoming series, I will write about some tips on how to keep more of your financial resources in your family. Here is the first tip:
  1. Choose your process wisely. Study your options and know what you and your spouse want. I ask divorcing clients what would need to happen in your divorce so you could look back three years from now and say this was a successful transition for your family and you. Paint that picture for me. Be honest with yourself.
    1. If you want a knock down drag out divorce, you know the Katie bar the door kind or I will show him/her, or I will make him/her pay, a more traditional litigation process certainly fits that bill. Moreover, that bill will be very expensive. On top of that, someone else, a judge, will be making decisions for you since you and your spouse are not able to reach agreements on your own.   If you think, you are going to win and be the victor you have already lost because there are no winners in divorce. Most judges tend to think the best outcome if they have to decide your divorce is one when both spouses equally share the pain and both spouses are somewhat dissatisfied.
    2. You may consider mediation. Most people have heard about mediation. Mediation can be less expensive than a traditional court based process.   Mediators however, are not able to provide legal advice. This is true even if the mediator is an attorney. Sometimes couples choose to have their own lawyers present at mediation sessions to overcome the no legal advice dilemma. Mediators, even if they are an attorney are not able to draft/prepare final divorce decree documents. If a mediator helps you reach agreements, you, and your spouse take those agreements to an attorney to draft the final documents and that attorney can only represent one of you, not both spouses. I always encourage my divorcing clients to each have their own attorney when reviewing any final documents resulting from mediation. You may run into one or both of the attorneys encouraging you not to accept the mediated agreements or parts of the agreements. In my practice, I recommend to clients attorneys that I know and have worked with, are settlement oriented, and not inclined to escalate conflict in an already mediated agreement. That is not to say there will not be some tweaks here and there because there always are and for good reason.
In part II of Keep More of Your Money in Family, I will talk about collaborative divorce, the professionals involved, and how it can help you keep more of your money. Stay tuned more to come.
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183748731-woman-dreaming-of-new-house-and-car-gettyimagesIn my financial planning practice and working as a financial neutral helping divorcing couples sort out financial issues it is often challenging for clients to clearly articulate future goals. I am not talking about the kinds of goals such as I want the house or this or that possession. Those types of statements really are what we call positions. I am talking about big picture interest based goals for your future. You might ask why this is important. I just want to be done with this divorce so I can move on. The problem is being done does not necessarily mean you will be better prepared to move on. More than likely if your focus is to be done, moving on will probably be very challenging for you. Establishing your goals at the very beginning of a collaborative divorce is critically important because goals establish a foundation for future discussions, negotiations, and more importantly stronger communication channels with your soon to be ex-spouse. Goals may be about any particular topic. Usually they fall into the three broad categories of parenting, financial, and relationships. Let us say for instance it is important for you to remain in the same school district so your children are not uprooted to new schools at the same time you and your spouse will soon be living in separate residences. Moving to a new school district while moving to two separate households may create significant insecurity for your children. This goal example states what the goal is: keep the kids in the same school district, and the why: to minimize the insecurity to your children. From this one goal, we can then figure out the who, when, and how. This single goal may produce discussions about housing, transportation, children’s activities, financial decisions, and overnights with one parent or the other that can lead both spouses to be stronger co-parents for the benefit of their children. Another goal example in the area of financial matters may be; we want financial viability for both households so we can have a sense of financial security. Note this is not a statement about who gets what but rather a statement about how you want to feel. No one ever tells me his or her goal is financial insecurity. An example of a relationship goal may be; we want to continue extended family relationships and participate together in family events as possible and to recognize these relationships do not necessarily end just because our marriage is ending.  Another relationship goal would be to describe how you want your relationship to be with your spouse post divorce. Establishing clear big picture goals early on in the divorce process can help to keep you and other professionals on track. Goals give you and your spouse anchor points for the discussions and decisions that will need to be made concerning your futures. We all remember the old saying if you do not know where you are going any road will get you there. Divorcing couples will be wise to discuss together where they want to go by setting clear individual and joint needs and interest goals. Know where you are going. The Collaborative divorce process gives you this opportunity. Choose your process wisely.
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Allocating assets and liabilities between spouses is one of the financial pillars in any divorce. In my work as a financial neutral and also when working on behalf of an individual in a divorce the subject of credit card debt is often a topic that needs to be addressed. This is especially true when credit card balances are not paid in full each month. The usual credit card ownership arrangements are joint or individual. There is another form of credit card ownership when one spouse is the primary account holder and the other spouse is an authorized user. In this situation, both spouses have a card on the same account issued in their individual name. The thorny part of this is the primary account holder controls the decision-making authority relative to the account. The primary account holder can close the account. The authorized user generally is not able to close the account. However if the primary account holder defaults on the account the card issuer will seek payment from the authorized user. Does not seem quite right, does it? As an authorized user, you are unable to close the account yet if the primary account holder does not make payments, the authorized user can be liable for payment. What can you do to protect yourself? Here are 5 suggestions:
  1. First, run a credit report on yourself from all three major credit-reporting agencies. These agencies include Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian. The best place to obtain this report is from www.annualcreditreport.com . Your report is free from this site and they will not solicit you for other purchases with one exception. Please note these reports do not include your credit score. You can obtain your score if you like for a nominal fee.
  2. Once you have the report from each of the three reporting agencies review all three reports carefully. The report will tell you if you own the card jointly, individually, or if you are an authorized user. This is a great time to verify the accuracy of all the data contained in the report.
  3. If you have a card issued in your name that for some reason does not appear on your credit report, call the issuer to determine your ownership status.
  4. If you are listed as an authorized user on any credit cards, call the issuer to determine how you can be removed.
  5. Let your attorney know you want any authorized user status clearly dealt with in your negotiations with your spouse. You do not want this thorny issue sneaking up on you down the road. In collaborative divorces, a well-trained financial neutral and the attorneys representing their clients are well aware of this issue.
Is a collaborative divorce right for you? Check out this link to learn more. Choose your process and your professionals wisely.
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117144501-couples-therapy-gettyimagesFinancial decisions are some of the toughest issues to work through in divorce. Deciding how to divide up assets or liabilities or devising long-term support scenarios to cover the expenses of two homes can be difficult. When you add in the emotions related to finances and personal financial experiences – it can get really complicated. In a collaborative divorce, where both parties agree to negotiate and settle their case out of court, financial agreements are often more thorough and more complete. Resolutions may include tax implications, cost basis analysis, or long-term financial projections. During the process, couples can more completely analyze the financial options and, often most importantly, the team can work to address emotional feelings about finances. In one type of therapy, called dialectical therapy, clients are urged to balance their logical minds with their emotional minds. According to the theory, all couples have both types of thinking. Logical thinking is orderly, concise and reasoned. A logical decision would be to keep money in bonds that are likely to be fairly stable over time instead of a risky stock investment that is volatile along with the markets. Emotional thinking, on the other hand, focuses on an individual’s feelings or history with decisions. An emotional decision may be to pay off a home mortgage because it “feels” good, even though having a mortgage may have more financial benefit. Other emotional decisions may rely upon personal experience. Someone may make the emotional decision to keep cash under the mattress in case he needs it in an emergency because that is what his father did and advised him to do. In a collaborative divorce, couples work with a financial neutral to help balance these two sides. In dialectical therapy, the overlapping space between the logical mind and the emotional mind is the wise mind. In divorce, couples who use their wise minds often have the best outcomes. They will balance the logical, smart decisions with options that feel good. While outcomes may not be perfect, they are more likely to feel good if they are in the wise zone. Take for example a couple that has equivalent amounts of financial value in home equity and a stock portfolio. The logical option may be to divide both equally – split the stock account in half and sell the home sharing the equity equally. Maybe one spouse is emotionally connected to the house and the other likes the risk of the stock market. Dividing the assets this way may make emotional sense, but is it wise? A wise option could be to evaluate the home market and estimate future value while looking at the stock portfolio and the level of risk associated. Analyzing the cost basis in both investments and potential tax implications could also help the couple create a wise resolution. Collaborative divorce allows couples an opportunity to commit to an out-of-court, non-adversarial process to reach mutually acceptable resolutions. Good collaborative professionals can help couples bring their best selves to the process and use their wise minds for the best possible outcomes.  
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77380996-man-and-woman-building-a-stack-of-bills-gettyimagesYour divorce, regardless of process will not be free. While a free divorce is impossible you can self manage many of the costs of your divorce. In my work as a financial neutral working with couples and individuals going through divorce there are five key tips I have observed that can help clients reduce the financial and emotional costs of divorce. Do everything possible to minimize conflict with your spouse Divorce is not without conflict. Conflict is expensive. The greater the conflict between you and your spouse the more your divorce will cost in terms of money and in terms of emotional wear and tear. If you and your spouse can openly and respectfully discuss what you can agree to and seek help to work through the issues where you have differing opinions the financial and emotional costs can be reduced. You will save money and time when you put your heads together to resolve your differences instead of butting them against each other. Get organized and be prepared If possible, work together with your spouse to gather all financial records necessary for any divorce process. This includes but is not limited to statement copies for everything you own and everything you owe to someone, tax returns including W-2’s, paycheck stubs, bank accounts, credit card accounts, retirement accounts, other investment accounts, insurance information, mortgage and other loans, and information concerning employer provided benefits. Consider putting together a 3-ring binder or electronic file folders containing each of these items. Your divorce decree requires the itemization of every asset and liability. It is foolish, costly, and to your detriment to not be fully open and transparent with your spouse. Being organized, open and completely transparent will help reduce costs. Establish and communicate expectations Communicate clearly with the professionals you are working with while at the same time listening carefully to the professionals you do engage. Consider this a two-way dialogue and recognize that you probably do not know what you do not know. Your divorce professionals have the expertise and wisdom to guide you through this difficult time. The wise professionals want to do this in a timely and cost effective manner. Beware of the so-called professionals who promise to get you the best deal. Best deals come at a price both financially and emotionally. Identify your needs and interests, and those of your spouse Whenever possible discuss these with your spouse in an open and respectful manner recognizing each of you will have unique needs and interests. You and your spouse will also have shared needs and interests. Needs and interests are not positions. Needs and interests are the underlying reasons and factors why something may be so important to you or your spouse. A position is more like a demand or a must have without stating any particular reasons. If your spouse seems locked into a position, ask them why this particular issue is so important to them and listen carefully for the underlying reasons. If you can find a way to satisfy those reasons, you are on the road to resolution. Collaborate, compromise, and cooperate Ask yourself, if you make every decision a battlefield how do you think your spouse will respond. Drawing lines in the sand will only isolate you and make it harder to reach agreements not to mention cost a lot more money and take more time. Remember you got married together and you and your spouse will get divorced together one way or the other. You and your spouse get to choose how. Every divorce and family is unique and comes with its own set of circumstances. The complexity of the relational, financial, and legal issues of your divorce along with the ability of you and your spouse to follow these five tips will ultimately determine how long your divorce will take and how much it will cost. Choose your process and your professionals wisely. Check out this link to learn more and find out if a collaborative divorce is right for you. For more information and resources check out my website under the about us section at www.integrashieldfinancial.com.   There you will find a video featuring actual collaborative divorce process clients, a divorce knowledge kit, resources for those with children, and a link labeled Collaborative Divorce with Dignity and Respect.