The CLI MN East Metro Group invites you to join their Happy Hour on Thursday June 13 from 4 – 6:30 pm
I once heard that parenting books are one of the largest segments in non-fiction
publishing. Everyone apparently thinks they have tips and ideas to help others parent. As a collaborative divorce attorney, clients often seek guidance and support in co-parenting during and after the divorce. No book ever fits the bill. While traditional books may offer some guidance, co-parenting after divorce is a unique situation. Not only do children sometimes have challenges as the result of the divorce, parents too are transitioning into a new reality.
In collaborative divorce, we often work with a family specialist or child specialist to help families transition from one home, into two. This neutral party can assist in many aspects of parenting, including the following:
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- Coach parents on telling the children about divorce.
- Bring the children’s voice to the process by hearing their concerns and hopes and communicating them to the parents.
- Communication coaching.
- Developing a parenting plan and schedule for parenting in two homes.
- How to maintain relationships with extended family.
- Consulting after divorce as new things arise.
- Periodic check-ins on parenting and child development.
- Any other parenting challenge that arises during or after the divorce.
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- Provides legal guidance, counsel, and advice to you
- Supports you in resolving the areas of dispute that arise
- Cooperates with other Collaborative team members to guide clients through the process
- Works in joint meetings with both clients and the other attorney to create legal documents to necessary to complete the process
- Are professionally licensed as attorneys
- Helps clients effectively communicate during the process which can minimize conflict and lower cost
- Helps to maintain a safe environment to discuss difficult issues with mutual respect
- Helps you with advocating for yourself
- Helps you minimize emotions to better manage reactivity to stress
- Is licensed as a mental health professional or a Rule 114 qualified mediator
- Identifies and evaluates tax consequences
- Assists clients with developing spending plans (budgets)
- Develops current and future cash flow analyses
- Helps clients/attorneys generate and evaluate financial options
- Guides the team discussion on financial matters
- Is professionally licensed as a financial expert
- Provides neutral guidance and education to parents
- Helps parents create “we statements” to talk with their children about the divorce or break up
- Meets with parents and children to obtain developmental information, identify family strengths and identify goals to meet children’s needs
- Meets with children to assess their hopes and needs for the future
- Gives feedback to parents and professional Team members about the needs of children
- Assists parents in the creation of a developmentally responsive Parenting Plan
- Works with the Neutral Coach to strengthen parents’ co-parenting relationship
- Is licensed as a mental health professional
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- Set Goals The four basic sets of big picture goals include: Relationship goals between you and your soon to be ex-spouse Goals related to your children regardless of their ages Financial goals as to how you and your spouse would like your future financial lives to look so you both can have the greatest sense of financial well being with the resources you have Process goals as to how you and your spouse would like the process to work for you
- Gather Information and Identify Issues This includes gathering all financial documents and other relevant information that will be necessary to itemize all assets, liabilities, income, estimated reasonable and necessary living expenses, and property received as a gift, inherited, or acquired before the marriage. All of this information is documented in your final divorce decree. If you have children, this also includes information about your children their needs and special activities and costs associated with each one.
- Generate Options This step is when the collaborative team including attorneys, coach, child specialist, financial neutral, and clients brainstorm to identify any options that come to mind regardless of how silly or unpleasant those options might sound initially. The key is to write down as many options as possible without anyone commenting or trying to evaluate any stated options.
- Evaluate Options Here the clients indentify the options they would like to evaluate and consider. It is at this stage clients can fully explore the pros and cons of each of the options listed and prioritize them.
- Negotiate/Make Decisions After fully evaluating any options clients are able to negotiate and make decisions they both can live with.
- Generate Documents Once all necessary decisions are made, the attorneys go to work to document agreements by preparing a draft decree for each spouse to review and ultimately sign.
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