Posted on
185071534-checklist-gettyimagesAs an attorney with two small children, I am very aware of how crazy family life can be, even on the good days. I am always looking for ways to create more peace in my day-to-day life, and in the lives of my clients. Many people experience the stress of fearing the unknown in the beginning of a divorce, which is normal. Although it seems counterintuitive, getting organized on paper can help lower your stress levels during a divorce. Many couples struggle, in the midst of hectic family life, to get their financial paperwork together for review. To help with this, I provide my clients with a checklist at the initial consultation outlining everything we need. This reduces a daunting task to a series of concrete steps that will just take time to complete, while the stress of not quite knowing what needs to be done is (somewhat) relieved. If you keep your tasks organized on paper, they can’t worry you as much, and the same goes for your thoughts. Just like piles of forgotten paperwork, racing, unorganized thoughts can contribute to stress. I recommend getting a personal notebook to jot down meeting notes, as well as your ongoing thoughts, to-do lists, and concerns throughout the divorce process. It is a good way to keep everything recorded in tangible form, which makes it easier to maintain your peace of mind. Writing your thoughts down helps you keep track of the big picture as well as little things to remember, and you can rest better at night knowing you won’t forget anything important. Recording accomplishments, thoughts, and tasks will not only help the divorce process go more efficiently, but it can really bring you a sense of peace, control, and empowerment as well. At the end of the day, this is what we are all looking for.
Posted on
185064996-credit-score-gettyimagesDivorce is not fun for anyone nor is it a financially savvy thing to go through. You are splitting up what you own and what you owe to others. This often includes unpaid credit card balances and loans. What can you do to protect yourself? I always recommend to individuals and couples going through divorce or even contemplating divorce to immediately check your credit report. You can do this by going to www.annualcreditreport.com. This is the official consumer site provided in cooperation with the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, and Transunion) and the Federal Trade Commission. You will be able to obtain your credit report free from each of the three credit bureaus. Other websites may offer free credit reports but often want you to sign up for something. Watch out for these gimmicks or better yet just use the site mentioned here. After obtaining your credit report, get three different highlighted markers. Read through the report and highlight all open accounts listed as joint, use a different color highlighter to mark all accounts listed as authorized user, and yet a different highlighter to mark all accounts listed as individual in your name only. You will want to make sure that all joint credit cards, loans, and indebtedness accounts are closed post-divorce and are so noted in the divorce Judgement and Decree. Closing the accounts does not release you as a joint owner from the liability to pay remaining outstanding balances. It is critical to remember that even though the divorce decree may place responsibility for debt repayment on certain accounts to your spouse, you will remain liable to the creditor/lender should your spouse default on the payments. Even late payments could show up on future credit reports affecting your own credit score. Ideally on any joint debt accounts you will want your spouse to either pay these debts off in full or refinance the outstanding debt in their own name with their own new accounts. You will also want to address any accounts where you are listed as an authorized user. An authorized user has the same liability as a joint owner for any indebtedness on the account. The sort of gotcha on these types of accounts is that an authorized user is not always able to close the account. Any individual accounts held by you will be your responsibility to repay. I always recommend that to the extent possible attempt to emerge from the divorce with as little consumer debt as you can. Doing so will allow you to maximize your cash flow to meet your current living expenses and hopefully save for future goals. Keeping an eye on your credit and following these few simple steps can go a long way to helping you protect your credit, your credit score, and give you confidence to maximize your cash flow. Divorce as painful as it can be also creates opportunities to start anew.
Posted on
514409797-rocks-forming-numbers-reading-2016-gettyimages2016 is well underway and many will look at the new year as a new beginning. While it’s important to have a positive outlook on the year ahead, sometimes the changing of the calendar year can create a false sense of promise. Pressure to set unrealistic goals such as being healed from your divorce this year, or that you will fall in love this year. Sometimes while going through the difficult path of grieving your divorce it may be helpful to consider that January 1st is nothing more than the day after December 31st. The changing of the year will bring a bit more healing and personal growth as each day passes, however it is imperative to understand that things can’t, and won’t, change overnight, which is why creating realistic expectations of the new year is essential to your healing. All the talk about new year’s resolutions, goals, “new year, new you,” that come with the month of January can leave you feeling overwhelmed, which creating realistic expectations, even if that means lowering or having no expectations at all can be a healthier way to navigate the healing process. Setting lower expectations allows you to be gentler on yourself. Creating a sense of balance in your life can be far more important than checking something off of an overwhelming, or unrealistic, to-do list. As you gradually adjust to your new normal, you may feel that everything in your world is now different, yourself included. You will have days of triumph, days of defeat, and plenty of temporary setbacks throughout the year ahead, but it’s crucial to remember that these temporary setbacks are just that – temporary. They happen to everyone and are a normal part of the process of healing from your divorce. It’s natural to have days where you hope and pray for everything to go back to the way things once were, but it is unrealistic to expect for that to actually happen. As you begin to accept your new normal, it might require a new approach to life, and maybe your biggest goal for 2016 will be to learn that approach and how to navigate it. Find the joy in life, which is more important than checking something off of a list. Reconnect with old friends, find new hobbies, look for the joy in everyday, but don’t feel the pressure to have a timeline on your healing, your happiness, your life, or finding new love.
Posted on
Stocks, bonds, mutual funds, annuities, chances are you own a couple of these financial instruments and possibly all of them in your portfolio. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone clearly explained what they are and why you should invest in them? Let’s see if we can get the basics of stocks straight in less than 5 minutes. Stocks When you own stock in a company you are a part owner of that company. Stock (also called equities) are sold in units called shares. Each share of stock in a company represents a fractional ownership in that company. Since most well-known companies have issued millions of shares their stock, each share represents a very small fraction of the overall ownership in that company. An owner of stock (called a stockholder or shareholder) is entitled to a portion of the company’s profits if the company’s board of directors decides to distribute them. Profits that are distributed are called dividends. Dividends tend to be distributed on a quarterly basis. Not all companies distribute their profits to the stockholders. Young fast growing companies, in particular, usually choose to reinvest their profits in expanding business operations. Older established companies with few opportunities to grow their business, utility companies for example, tend to distribute a large portion of their profits in the form of dividends. In situations where the company is sold or liquidated, shareholders will receive a cut of the net sale proceeds. All the company’s creditors get paid before this happens including employees, suppliers, creditors and even Uncle Sam when taxes are owed. The chance that there will be nothing left after everyone else gets paid is one of the intrinsic risks to stock ownership. There are two ways to make money from owning stock – the cash flow from dividends and capital gains. If a stockholder sells their shares for more than the purchase price they make a profit called a capital gain.   The value of a company’s stock rises and falls based on the performance of the company and the outlook for the economy as a whole. If a company is successful, such that its business is expanding then people will want to buy its stock to get in on the growth potential. If the overall economy is expected to grow, this is expected to benefit many companies as well.   Companies tend to report on the performance of their business on a quarterly basis which can greatly impact the stock value. In between those quarterly reports the stock value is more influenced by the constant stream of reports about the state of the economy. Companies are limited by the government as to how much and how often they can issue stock. Once they issue a share of stock, that stock is bought and sold on a stock exchanges such as the New York Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ Stock Exchange. Actual physical stock is rarely exchanged anymore; brokerage accounts are electronically credited or debited for the purchase or sale of stock. Companies contract with a transfer agent to keep track of the constant changes in the ownership of their stock. Five minutes are almost up so let me just say that stock ownership is a good way to grow wealth but it must be done with a view to the long term. Stocks prices can fluctuate greatly in times of economic upheaval so it is not a place for putting saving for a near-term purchase. Over the long term though, stocks have always rebounded and rewarded the patient investor.
Posted on
BLD077218In the Twin Cities, many family law attorneys offer a free consultation to learn about your options.  This is a time to meet your potential new attorney and ask your questions.  The consultation can serve three main purposes. First, you can learn about your divorce options.  There are four general processes for divorce:
  1. pro se/unrepresented where you go through the process without legal guidance;
  2. mediation where a neutral third party helps you come up with the agreements;
  3. collaborative divorce where both parties commit to a respectful out of court process with lawyers and other professionals guiding the process; and
  4. litigation, the court-based traditional process.  A good consultation should educate you on all of these options.
Second, the consultation allows you to learn some basic information about the issues in a divorce.  The attorney can discuss the main legal issues that need to be decided during a case – such as child custody, parenting time, spousal maintenance, or property division.  Clients often have specific questions about these categories and what may or may not be relevant to their situation. Third, the consultation allows you to get to know someone and see if it is a good fit for legal work.  One of the most important aspects of a consultation is the opportunity for you to meet a potential attorney and see if you will be comfortable working with them. Your attorney is your guide. You may cry or express anger in front of this person – you need to feel comfortable doing so. In addition to legal adeptness and zealous advocacy, you also must be comfortable and trust your attorney. This is perhaps the most important element of the relationship. You should know that when you are just meeting an attorney for a consultation, the attorney cannot give you legal advice or answer legal questions with certainty. Because the consulting attorney does not have a client relationship, you and your spouse could meet with the attorney together. This is often a good way for you both to hear information together. When you receive the same message, you often feel less adversarial and more like you are both seeking a guide for the process. Please contact a collaborative attorney for a free consultation to learn more about your options.
Posted on
87324578-number-fourteen-with-a-heart-round-it-gettyimagesMany romantic expectations surround Valentine’s Day. For those contemplating a divorce or In the midst of divorce proceedings, Valentine’s Day can be extra stressful because the pressure to express romantic love to a sweetheart simply can’t be fulfilled in the way society expects, and it is impossible to avoid the Valentine’s Day spirit when out and about. For example, when shopping this time of year, you can’t help but notice the greeting card aisle. The hearts! The glitter! Selling Valentine’s Day cards is nothing new – commercialism has found its way into expressing love through cards for over a century now, with valentines first being mass produced in the 1800s. There has been something made for everyone, since the very beginning: in 1797 The Young Man’s Valentine Writer was published in Britain, and contained romantic poems for gentlemen that couldn’t write their own to impress their Valentine. While there is nothing wrong with buying or receiving a store-bought card or pre-written sentiments (or any other classic Valentine’s Day gift, like roses or chocolates), I personally think it is more meaningful to express your feelings in your own unique words and gestures, spontaneously, throughout the year.  And not just to a significant other – how about those precious kiddos in your life? I think instead of feeling pressure to be in a romantic relationship and consume everything pink/red/glittery on February 14th, Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder to us that every day is an opportunity for us to creatively express our feelings to anyone we care about – not just a sweetheart.
Posted on
133791230-tin-can-communication-gettyimagesListening to the voice of the child is increasingly becoming a mainstream concept in family law.  This is a welcome development, as careful attunement to children’s perspectives and needs can guide resolutions and parenting plans that are truly in the best interests of children. Having worked with children of all ages for many years,  I am aware that the language of children has its own rhythm and cadence.  Children do not always use words to express their inmost feelings and concerns.  Very young children express themselves through play and behaviors rather than spoken language.  When distressed, young children may temporarily regress to earlier behaviors.  This is a normal process, but may need professional guidance to resolve if it becomes persistent, especially when accompanied by patterns of anxiety or angry outbursts. At the opposite end of the developmental spectrum, one of my favorite essays about teenagers is entitled “Please Hear What I am Not Saying.”  Children, especially adolescents, often have difficulty expressing their feelings directly. To fully understand their child’s experience, parents need to be observant of patterns of behavior that may indicate feelings the child is unable or unwilling to express directly.  Asking a child, “What’s wrong?” or “Why are you acting that way?” may not yield much information.  Another approach is to express empathy and the offer of support, “It looks like something is bothering you.  I’m here if you want to talk about it.”  If a problematic behavior pattern persists for more than a few weeks, it might be the right time to consult with a child or adolescent therapist to get neutral, professional help in decoding the problem and helping your child find healthy ways to cope. Consulting with a neutral child specialist during the divorce process can enhance your understanding of your child’s perspective and feelings.  Collaborative Team Practice is designed to provide a sounding board for all family members during a difficult time of transition.
Posted on
137547335-man-planting-euro-coins-in-soil-gettyimagesStocks seem to get all the attention with daily reports of what happened in the stock market. Bonds by comparison are the quiet, introverted sidekick to stocks. Nobody ever brags about their latest bond investment at a cocktail party. Nonetheless, bonds are an essential part of most portfolios and tend to become more so as we get older. Let’s take 5 minutes to understand bonds. Bond are loans that have been “securitized”, meaning that the face amount of the loan has been divided into equal-sized parts, typically worth $1,000 or $5,000. The equal sized parts are called bond certificates, which can then be bought and sold easily in the bond markets. Big issuers of bonds are corporations and governments. Borrowing money by selling bonds can be cheaper than going to a bank, particularly if the issuer wants to borrow a large sum and then pay it back over a long period of time, such as 20-30 years. Bonds issued by the U.S. Government are called Treasury bonds, bills or notes. Bonds issued by state and local governments are called municipal bonds, while bonds issued by companies are called corporate bonds. Bond Investors make money from the cash flow created by the bond issuer repaying the loan. Bonds are usually structured so that the owner of a bond (the Bondholder) receives interest payments at regular intervals. The bondholder is repaid their initial investment in the bond, along with the final interest payment, at the loan maturity date. Bonds are attractive to many investors because they provide a regular stream of income. The amount of income a bond holder will receive over the life of the bond is known the day it’s purchased. That knowledge means that bond values do not fluctuate nearly as much as stock prices. Bond values do fluctuate some, which is primarily caused by changes in the prevailing interest rates in the economy and the ability of the bond issuer to make bond payments. Bonds are an important part of investment portfolios because they typically act the opposite of stocks. Treasury bonds in particular will rise in value during times of economic stress, as people flee a falling stock market for the safe predictable return bonds offer. Bonds are also important because they provide cash flow to people taking regular draws from their portfolios to pay living expenses. If bonds are so much safer than stocks, why not invest 100% in bonds? Investing entirely in bonds is risky for the long-term because of the threat of inflation. Inflation causes the cash flow from a bond to become less valuable over time. And, although bondholders still get the principal they invested when the bond matures, that initial investment just doesn’t buy as much as it did 20 years ago.   Stocks on the other hand have a history of outpacing inflation over the long-term. This is why even the most conservative portfolio is better-off containing at least some allocation to stocks, as a hedge against inflation.
Posted on
162715859-stack-of-books-gettyimagesIn the wake of your divorce you might be asking yourself, “Is it better to have loved and to have lost, or to have never loved at all?” A truly soul searching question. On the one hand you can look at life being about the journey, full of highs and lows along the way, and on the other hand one could wish that pain and that marriage to have never occurred. If you had children with your ex the natural response would (generally) be that without that relationship you wouldn’t have your children, so pain and all it is better to have loved. Obviously there is no right or wrong answer to this question, but what can be learned from a failed marriage? Lesson 1: You are responsible for 100% of your own actions. It’s easy to play the “blame game” but at the end of the day how you react (or don’t react) to situations and conversations is entirely on you. When reactions are fueled by anger, or other strong emotions, its natural to blame those who angered us, but ultimately the choices we make are truly our own. Lesson 2: You can choose to have a positive or negative outlook. Even in the most grim divorces, you have the choice of perceiving that your future will be optimistic or pessimistic, but one thing is for sure, if you choose to have a negative attitude and outlook, chances are good it WILL be undesirable. By releasing the negative energy, you allow for positive things to start happening, even in the darkest of your days. Lesson 3: Although your marriage failed, YOU are NOT a failure. In the early days of your divorce you might have spent a lot of time reflecting on what “you” did wrong. It is natural to take this approach, and while self-reflection can be very beneficial to both you and for your future relationships, it is important to remember that you did not fail, your ex did not fail, and together you did not fail. Simply put your marriage was unsuccessful, for whatever reason(s), but you are still capable of a happy, successful, and triumphant future. Embrace your journey, no matter how long, scary, and difficult it may be. Challenging voyages often lead to beautiful destinations, with many lessons to be learned along the way. You will never be the same person that you were before your marriage, but with the right perspective you will be a better person, regardless of the circumstances. What has been the greatest lesson that your failed marriage has taught you? Let us know in the comment section.
Posted on
Stocks, bonds, mutual funds, annuities, chances are you own a couple of these financial instruments and possibly all of them in your portfolio. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone clearly explained what they are and why you should invest in them? Let’s see if we can get the basics of stocks straight in less than 5 minutes. Stocks When you own stock in a company you are a part owner of that company. Stock (also called equities) are sold in units called shares. Each share of stock in a company represents a fractional ownership in that company. Since most well-known companies have issued millions of shares their stock, each share represents a very small fraction of the overall ownership in that company. An owner of stock (called a stockholder or shareholder) is entitled to a portion of the company’s profits if the company’s board of directors decides to distribute them. Profits that are distributed are called dividends. Dividends tend to be distributed on a quarterly basis. Not all companies distribute their profits to the stockholders. Young fast growing companies, in particular, usually choose to reinvest their profits in expanding business operations. Older established companies with few opportunities to grow their business, utility companies for example, tend to distribute a large portion of their profits in the form of dividends. In situations where the company is sold or liquidated, shareholders will receive a cut of the net sale proceeds. All the company’s creditors get paid before this happens including employees, suppliers, creditors and even Uncle Sam when taxes are owed. The chance that there will be nothing left after everyone else gets paid is one of the intrinsic risks to stock ownership. There are two ways to make money from owning stock – the cash flow from dividends and capital gains. If a stockholder sells their shares for more than the purchase price they make a profit called a capital gain.   The value of a company’s stock rises and falls based on the performance of the company and the outlook for the economy as a whole. If a company is successful, such that its business is expanding then people will want to buy its stock to get in on the growth potential. If the overall economy is expected to grow, this is expected to benefit many companies as well.   Companies tend to report on the performance of their business on a quarterly basis which can greatly impact the stock value. In between those quarterly reports the stock value is more influenced by the constant stream of reports about the state of the economy. Companies are limited by the government as to how much and how often they can issue stock. Once they issue a share of stock, that stock is bought and sold on a stock exchanges such as the New York Stock Exchange or the NASDAQ Stock Exchange. Actual physical stock is rarely exchanged anymore; brokerage accounts are electronically credited or debited for the purchase or sale of stock. Companies contract with a transfer agent to keep track of the constant changes in the ownership of their stock. Five minutes are almost up so let me just say that stock ownership is a good way to grow wealth but it must be done with a view to the long term. Stocks prices can fluctuate greatly in times of economic upheaval so it is not a place for putting saving for a near-term purchase. Over the long term though, stocks have always rebounded and rewarded the patient investor.