In the wake of your divorce you might be asking yourself, “Is it better to have loved and to have lost, or to have never loved at all?” A truly soul searching question. On the one hand you can look at life being about the journey, full of highs and lows along the way, and on the other hand one could wish that pain and that marriage to have never occurred. If you had children with your ex the natural response would (generally) be that without that relationship you wouldn’t have your children, so pain and all it is better to have loved. Obviously there is no right or wrong answer to this question, but what can be learned from a failed marriage?
Lesson 1: You are responsible for 100% of your own actions. It’s easy to play the “blame game” but at the end of the day how you react (or don’t react) to situations and conversations is entirely on you. When reactions are fueled by anger, or other strong emotions, its natural to blame those who angered us, but ultimately the choices we make are truly our own.
Lesson 2: You can choose to have a positive or negative outlook. Even in the most grim divorces, you have the choice of perceiving that your future will be optimistic or pessimistic, but one thing is for sure, if you choose to have a negative attitude and outlook, chances are good it WILL be undesirable. By releasing the negative energy, you allow for positive things to start happening, even in the darkest of your days.
Lesson 3: Although your marriage failed, YOU are NOT a failure. In the early days of your divorce you might have spent a lot of time reflecting on what “you” did wrong. It is natural to take this approach, and while self-reflection can be very beneficial to both you and for your future relationships, it is important to remember that you did not fail, your ex did not fail, and together you did not fail. Simply put your marriage was unsuccessful, for whatever reason(s), but you are still capable of a happy, successful, and triumphant future.
Embrace your journey, no matter how long, scary, and difficult it may be. Challenging voyages often lead to beautiful destinations, with many lessons to be learned along the way. You will never be the same person that you were before your marriage, but with the right perspective you will be a better person, regardless of the circumstances. What has been the greatest lesson that your failed marriage has taught you? Let us know in the comment section.
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