Throughout this series, we explored how the core developmental skills children learn by playing can completely reshape how adults approach divorce. By taking these childhood “powers of play” out of the bottom of the grown-ups’ toolbox, couples can shift their mindset from a destructive war into a healthy transition. Here is a summary of how rediscovering these seven powers helps couples successfully navigate a Collaborative Divorce:
- Creative thinking – Couples step away from rigid societal expectations to brainstorm unique solutions. Instead of fighting, they freely share out-of-the-box ideas for how they want their future family life and co-parenting dynamic to flow.
- Critical thinking – Rather than viewing divorce as a battle to be won, couples treat it as a set of problems to be solved. After gathering information, they objectively analyze the options to find the best possible outcome for the entire family unit.
- Self-Control – Divorce triggers intense, overwhelming emotions. By leaning on the support of Collaborative professionals and divorce coaches, the divorcing couple can regulate their behavior, manage meltdowns, and choose to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.
- Confidence – When parents shift their focus to building a structured, yet flexible, parenting plan, they gain confidence in their future. Successfully prioritizing their children’s needs increases parental self-esteem and builds co-parenting relationships that thrive years down the road.
- Collaboration – Even when spouses feel like “enemies,” they almost always share a critical common goal: ensuring their children thrive. Embracing Collaboration means choosing to work jointly, compromise, and “play nice” to create a healthy, tailored agreement that no court could ever duplicate.
- Communication – Couples relearn how to express themselves productively by taking ownership of their words and utilizing “I” statements. In this calmer space, a sincere apology can instantly shift the energy of a room and lay the groundwork for future communication.
- Coordination – Just as children physically fall down and get back up, adults must tune into their physical stress responses. Recognizing the body’s “fight, flight, or freeze” response and using deep breathing helps maintain emotional self-regulation during high-stakes negotiations.
The Bottom Line
Choosing a Collaborative Divorce requires a major paradigm shift. Society expects a bitter legal drama, but by bringing “honey instead of vinegar” to the negotiating table, divorcing couples and their legal teams can work together in a respectful, calm environment. If young children can master these skills through simple play, adults can certainly find the wherewithal to use them to close one chapter of their lives and begin a new one.
About the Author
Audra practices exclusively in the area of conflict resolution, with an emphasis on Collaboration. She believes Collaboration works best for families with children to help them move forward and thrive. She helps her clients reframe and change their mindset about the divorce itself, so they can see it as a new beginning. When she’s not Zooming with colleagues and clients, you’ll likely find Audra cheering on her kids at a various sporting events.
Audra Holbeck, Attorney, Mediator
Holbeck Law
Ph: 651-379-0330
Holbecklaw.com