“Can you refer me to a good family law attorney?” is a common question. Thinking about this question, I often wonder what people mean when they say “good family law attorney?” If you ask an attorney in a large firm, they often refer people to attorneys in large firms (their own if they have that practice group). Large firm attorneys often know other large firm attorneys. Does that mean they are “good”? Ask yourself what “good” means to you, before you ask that question.
There are attorneys who do a lot of in-court litigation in family law. Does that mean they are good? It depends. There are attorneys who do mainly out-of-court divorce work, like mediation, Collaborative divorce, or settlement focus. Does that mean they are good? Again, it depends. Family law attorneys are supposed to talk to clients about all their process options. Interestingly, some clients I have met with who have also met with other attorneys indicate that the other attorney only talked about the traditional court process, said little about mediation, and never spoke about the Collaborative process. Attorneys who don’t talk about other options might do that for a variety of reasons. Maybe they don’t practice Collaborative divorce and therefore can’t speak about it clearly or thoroughly. Maybe they derive energy in the court process and see all divorce matters in the same light. Maybe they are working in a system that does not reward settlement and fewer billable hours on a case-by-case basis. Many attorneys start consultations like they are getting all the facts and can start making a legal analysis before they even understand what their potential client’s goals are.
When looking for a good family law attorney, pay attention to how they make you feel, if they are interested in you and what matters to you, or whether they seem to have a predisposition for “fighting”, “protecting”, “winning at the expense of”, or seem to be formulaic about process (i.e., “the first things we need to do is serve papers” or “go take half of the balance in the accounts and transfer it to your own account”, etc.) There is a difference between having empathy for someone’s situation and feeding a fire and ultimately the conflict. Are they curious? Do they ask questions about your priorities, concerns, needs and fears? Ask you what you want your process to look like or not look like? Do they ask thoughtful questions about your children? Do you notice that you feel relaxed and more at ease than you expected or do you feel tense and on edge? Talking about their trial record may not be the best factor to base your decision on unless you already know that things will be challenging because your spouse is vengeful, litigious, righteous, abusive, inflexible, or other characteristics that mean it will be a fight.
Just because you are starting a divorce, does not mean that it needs to be a fight with someone winning and someone loosing. A good attorney starts by listening, being curious and understanding what is most important to you. And what is most important might not even be about specific legal outcomes. Many people want their kids to come out of the divorce unscathed, want the ability to co-parent, be happy and not totally stressed out for the next number of months or year during the process. Or people want to have a better sense of cost rather than a blank check into the world of divorce court. Many people want to know they will be ok emotionally, financially, and feel good about the settlement and not carry resentment about the outcomes and process. Divorce is hard enough as it is and the process does not need to make it worse. And who you choose to work with and how they approach their work can make a significant difference about how your divorce goes and how much it costs.
So, ask questions like:
- What is your favorite part of your job or do you like your work?
- Why do you practice family law?
- How often do you go to trial or settle cases well in advance of trial (not on the court steps)?
- How do you support client self-determination?
- If you know who your spouse’s attorney is, ask if they know them and how they work together?
- How do you handle conflict in your cases?
- How many cases have you had in the last 2 years go to trial or pre-trial?
Look for:
- Honesty and sincerity
- Empathy and compassion
- Good listening skills
- Creative problem solving
- Promptness
- Curiosity
- Word choice and language can tell a lot about an attorney
So, once you know what qualities are important to you in your divorce process and your attorney, who is tending to the most important relational matter you will likely have, you may end up asking someone instead, “Do you know any family law attorneys who support effective co-parenting and minimizing conflict between spouses and understand that we are still a family system but in a different configuration?” You may get a very different referral. Ask the question about a good attorney that includes some qualifiers of what that means to you. Or, find an attorney who practices Collaborative divorce, even if you end up not doing a formal Collaborative process. They often believe in client self-determination and informed decision making and understand that you will still be a family system but in two homes. And they tend to be responsive and timely in their work and value good working relationships with clients and the other attorney. Take it from 20+ years of experience working with court focused attorneys and collaborative attorneys. Check out this link to connect with collaborative professionals in Minnesota and find one that is right for you. https://collaborativelaw.org/find-a-professional-2/
About the Author
Louise Livesay-Al has been practicing family law, primarily in out-of-court process options, for over 20 years. She worked for four years at the Minnesota Court of Appeals learning about family law and seeing the limits of the court system for families. She works regularly with collaborative and non-collaborative attorneys and understands the benefits of working towards a mutually agreeable settlement for both people in the divorce and knows that kids usually fare better when parents reach a joint resolution rather than fighting it out. Her firm, The Law Shop Minnesota, offers full representation, mediation, and a la carte services in family law, estate planning, and small business matters. Check out www.thelawshopmn.com and click “Get Started” to schedule a Shop Evaluation to learn more and create a plan for your future.
Louise Livesay-Al
Collaborative Attorney and Mediator
The Law Shop Minnesota
E: support@thelawshopmn.com | P: 651-344-6100
www.thelawshopmn.com
