Finding Your New Normal This Holiday Season
Whether this is your first holiday season post-divorce, or you’ve been through several, it’s likely one of the hardest time of the year for you. Navigating the holidays after a divorce is much like navigating the holidays after the loss of a loved one. You likely are mourning the loss of making new memories and how the holidays “should” look like as a family. It is perfectly normal (and healthy) to have those feelings of dread and angst towards the upcoming holiday season. With the holidays comes the pressure to feel that “it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” when in fact through your grief you might be thinking that it’s the least wonderful time of the year.
If this is your first holiday season post-divorce, you probably have a lot of questions going through your head. What will you do? Where will you go? How will you celebrate? How can you even thing of celebrating during this time of grief? Where will the kids be? What if you don’t want to be around people? These questions are completely normal as the holiday season presents itself with some unique challenges to navigate through. It might be difficult to consider your own needs, but now is the time to think about yourself, and what is healthy for YOU. For some that might mean jumping in neck deep into the Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa festivities and keeping yourself too busy to think, and for others booking a trip to Mexico and forgetting the holidays even exist might feel like a better option. It’s important to remember that you do not have to give into the pressure of the holidays.
Give yourself permission to organize your holiday season is the best way that works for you. You might be thinking “what if I don’t know what’s best for me?” Or “what about the kids?” If you don’t have children it might be easy to skate through the holidays without decorating a tree or baking cookies, but as parents there is always extra pressure to make sure that the holidays still go on for the kids. Create new traditions. Don’t be afraid to break the mold. What may have been all they’ve ever known for the holidays does not define the holidays. All your children need is your love and attention. 20 years from now they won’t remember the year they didn’t have the annual 12 foot Christmas tree, but they will remember laughing through the woods as you tried to find the worst looking Charlie Brown tree you could find!
Wishing you luck, laughter, and whatever it takes for you to steer through the holidays this season. May you find your new normal someday, but until then, simply doing what you can to get through is enough too.
More Collaborative Law Posts