My two year old daughter received Legos for Christmas. They were the bigger bricks, which are perfect for her chubby, dimpled hands, and pink and purple “princess” Legos that could be made into, what else? Castles! She really wasn’t interested in the figurines that were included, but she WAS interested in creating a “super tall building.” I loved watching her build various creations.
I’m pretty sure Lego didn’t make “girl” kits when I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s. My little brother had Legos, and I just shrugged them off as toys for boys. I was into…dare I say…Barbie. And all things that sparkle. I would, most certainly, have played with pink and purple Legos, though. After all, I liked putting things together. When my “boombox” stopped working, I took it apart and put it back together (and yes, I even fixed it!). Would I have become an engineer instead of a lawyer if Lego had made purple bricks? Nope. But if Lego had created a kit of pastel bricks, Legos might have outsold Superstar Barbie!
Did girls miss out on something by not playing with Legos? Maybe not. But what IS it about princesses? Dressed in her sparkly tutu, my daughter plays just as much, if not more, with trucks and transformers as she does her dolls. Is it because she has an older brother? Does she find transformers more interesting than her dolls? My five year old son is all boy (rough and tumble, loves trucks and ninja turtles, slides into “home plate” – which is the northwest corner of the family room – so much he wears holes in his jeans) so I was pleasantly surprised when he picked up his sister’s doll and stroller and zoomed around the house. “Great,” I thought, “maybe he’ll play dolls with his little sister.” Uh…no. He took the doll and stroller to annoy his younger sibling.
Nevertheless, watching my daughter with those pink and purple Legos certainly made me think about how items are “sold” or “packaged.” Do we really buy “things” or are we buying an “experience?” It depends. I think in many cases, we are paying for an experience, even when we buy products. (For instance, why do I need to have an aromatherapy experience grocery shopping? I’m there to buy groceries to feed my family. If I want such an “experience” I’ll go to a spa.) Nonetheless, the way products and experiences are packaged can make all the difference in the way we feel. But with legal services, you are buying a product (the divorce agreement/documents) as well as the experience.
When you are interviewing attorneys, be aware of what they are selling you and how they are selling it. Does the attorney you are meeting with base his or her expertise on all the cases “won.” Chances are, that attorney is talking more about him or herself and isn’t doing much listening to you. This is a divorce, people. A change in significant relationships within a family. Nobody wins in a divorce, so please don’t fall for that “package.” This process is all about getting to a new normal, and if you have young children, parenting them well. So, the attorneys and team you are interviewing should be all about helping you get to that new normal. That, in my opinion, is how divorce should be “packaged.” My two year old daughter received Legos for Christmas. They were the bigger bricks, which are perfect for her chubby, dimpled hands, and pink and purple “princess” Legos that could be made into, what else? Castles! She really wasn’t interested in the figurines that were included, but she WAS interested in creating a “super tall building.” I loved watching her build various creations.
I’m pretty sure Lego didn’t make “girl” kits when I was growing up in the 70’s and 80’s. My little brother had Legos, and I just shrugged them off as toys for boys. I was into…dare I say…Barbie. And all things that sparkle. I would, most certainly, have played with pink and purple Legos, though. After all, I liked putting things together. When my “boombox” stopped working, I took it apart and put it back together (and yes, I even fixed it!). Would I have become an engineer instead of a lawyer if Lego had made purple bricks? Nope. But if Lego had created a kit of pastel bricks, Legos might have outsold Superstar Barbie!
Did girls miss out on something by not playing with Legos? Maybe not. But what IS it about princesses? Dressed in her sparkly tutu, my daughter plays just as much, if not more, with trucks and transformers as she does her dolls. Is it because she has an older brother? Does she find transformers more interesting than her dolls? My five year old son is all boy (rough and tumble, loves trucks and ninja turtles, slides into “home plate” – which is the northwest corner of the family room – so much he wears holes in his jeans) so I was pleasantly surprised when he picked up his sister’s doll and stroller and zoomed around the house. “Great,” I thought, “maybe he’ll play dolls with his little sister.” Uh…no. He took the doll and stroller to annoy his younger sibling.
Nevertheless, watching my daughter with those pink and purple Legos certainly made me think about how items are “sold” or “packaged.” Do we really buy “things” or are we buying an “experience?” It depends. I think in many cases, we are paying for an experience, even when we buy products. (For instance, why do I need to have an aromatherapy experience grocery shopping? I’m there to buy groceries to feed my family. If I want such an “experience” I’ll go to a spa.) Nonetheless, the way products and experiences are packaged can make all the difference in the way we feel. But with legal services, you are buying a product (the divorce agreement/documents) as well as the experience.
When you are interviewing attorneys, be aware of what they are selling you and how they are selling it. Does the attorney you are meeting with base his or her expertise on all the cases “won.” Chances are, that attorney is talking more about him or herself and isn’t doing much listening to you. This is a divorce, people. A change in significant relationships within a family. Nobody wins in a divorce, so please don’t fall for that “package.” This process is all about getting to a new normal, and if you have young children, parenting them well. So, the attorneys and team you are interviewing should be all about helping you get to that new normal. That, in my opinion, is how divorce should be “packaged.” 
Do you need a divorce team and if so who should be on that team? If you are going through divorce or plan to do so you should think about who you want to have on your divorce team. Who you have on your team depends on the process you have chosen.
If you are headed down the traditional litigated divorce path your attorney will be your lead team member and possibly could be the only team member. Oh sure you may bring in experts of your own and when you do experts of your soon to be ex will suddenly appear.
This is unlike a 
When one spouse in a divorce has been unemployed for an extended period, it can often be a frightening situation for that particular spouse. It can also be frightening to the other spouse. This fear shared from opposite perspectives can lead to heightened conflict and tense communications. This conflict and challenged communications can impede the entire divorce process. However, it does not have to be this way.
What if in the divorce process, there was a way for someone to explore these fears from a deeper perspective? The spouse who has been unemployed for some time, perhaps because of child rearing responsibilities, is extremely anxious or downright scared about how they will ever be able to make it. The employed spouse is anxious and downright scared they will forever face having to support their non-working spouse. Both have legitimate fears and concerns. Let us look at some options that may help both at least minimize some of these fears.
In a 
Having friends scattered throughout the country has shown me just how drastic divorce proceedings and turnarounds can be. My friend in Baltimore, Maryland, who was married for 5 years with no kids, had no battles over property division, and her divorce still took just over 2.5 years to complete, including a mandatory year of separation before filing (this law has since changed recently for those without children). A friend in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, her divorce with one child and a business involved, took just 6 months to the date. And my good friends (haha), Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton’s Oklahoma divorce after four years of marriage complete with pre-nup and no kids, took just days from when they filed.
Here in Minnesota the length of time to complete a divorce depends upon several things, including custody, parenting time, child support, and division of debts and property. It can take anywhere from about 6 weeks to a year and a half or more, depending upon whether the parties are cooperating, and depending upon the issues involved. The length of a divorce also largely depends on how the case is resolved. For example, divorcing collaboratively, where both party’s attorneys agree to settle without going to trial and the underlying threat of litigation, can significantly reduce the time it take to complete the divorce for several reasons, the biggest factor being avoiding months awaiting a divorce trial.
Divorce is the time to practice patience, and to always prepare yourself for the divorce process to take longer than anticipated. Even in our instant gratification society where you can have Amazon deliver within the hour, your divorce could take months to years. No matter how long your divorce proceedings may take it is important to remember that divorce never really ends with a “victory” by either party. Both parties typically leave the marriage with substantially less material wealth than they started with prior to the divorce. Occasionally, you may hear about a spouse receiving a very large settlement or substantial alimony compensation. But more commonly, both spouses must compromise in order to reach an agreement. If there are any real “winners” in the process, it’s those who maintain positive relationships with an ex-spouse so that they are able to successfully co-parent their children.